Great news for the resurgent British Empire , the UK aircraft carrier Queen Elizabeth has finally got its plane(s) !
Mainstream news reports that as many as sixteen F35 jets have been ‘delivered’ .
“Sixteen F-35B aircraft have been delivered to the British and are currently based in the U.K. and the United States.”
Obviously a few must be stuck in the post state side , they’ll soon be here though .
The ‘deliveries’ are being viewed by the military industrial complex as proof of the success of the F35 project .
“However, the manufacturers, led by Lockheed Martin and subcontractors including BAE Systems, hold that the problems have been ironed out and the success of the project can be seen in the numbers of aircraft ordered.”
- UK defense chief: F-35 jets are ‘ready for operations’
- RAF unveils stealth fighter as Gavin Williamson promises post-Brexit global commitment
Eager to show off his new toys , UK defence secretary Gavin ‘GI’ Williamson has now decided send the carrier to the South China Sea on its first ever mission .
The purpose of the mission is to act as a ‘warning to China‘ .
The ‘joint mission with the US’ is intended to let the Chinese administration know that the UK will not be pushed around , cajoled or bullied
into buying military je….. by any other country , especially not the Chinese administration who have continually threatened , blackmailed and provoked the UK .
A more than gleeful GI Gav had this to say :
‘Britain was the second largest investor in the region and it must display “hard power” and “lethality” to help protect interests.’
On hearing this news we tracked down Gav and asked his opinion on where China might attack the British Isles first , we also intended to present Gav with another coveted Golden Poodle award for services to the US deep state .
We sneaked aboard HMS Queen Elizabeth , where we found Gav personally taking charge of ‘the mission’ to confront the imminent threat from China .
The response from a pumped up Gav when handed the Golden Poodle was shocking to say the least .
Gav took a bite out of the solid gold (plated) Poodle award and then threw it back at us , whereupon he charged us whilst shouting and screaming like a banshee , we were forced to dive overboard into shark infested waters to save our lives .
Luckily we made it back to shore and all agreed ‘better a school of sharks than GI Gav‘ .
At least we would stand a fighting chance with the sharks .
Although still trembling and fearful the team managed to pick up the phone to contact a spokesperson for the
shadow British government who unusually appeared to have an North American accent .
Anyhow , when asked about the carrier Queen Elizabeth the spokesperson had this to say :
The carrier was an absolute bargain for the British taxpayer , it is definitely not a sitting duck (cue sarcastic chuckle) , the jets were an even bigger bargain with their working advanced technology (cue bigger sarcastic chuckle) , you people just do not know how lucky you are (cue even bigger sarcastic chuckle) .
We cannot allow other countries to threaten the global interests of the extremely wealthy , especially the extremely wealthy who reside in offshore tax havens . It is only fair that the taxpayer foots the bill for any military hardware , besides which you can afford it , besides which again , do you really think we are going to pay ?
Not only that , the propaganda and military bluster provides great cover for the more clandestine black technologies , these are the toys that really count…….(cue evil laugh which went on for several minutes) .
At this point we were all overcome with an inexplicable fit of uncontrolled paranoia & hypomania , the team actually started to think that we were actually talking to GI Gav himself .
Suffice to say the phone was thrown to the floor in terror and the team scrambled for cover in all directions .
When composure was finally regained we all realized that a swift change of underwear was definitely in order .
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