UK Government Wins Golden Poodle – Venezuela , Gold , Blue Gold & Black Gold

The UK government has been awarded the Golden Poodle award today . The gleaming , glinting , gruffer is awarded for services by UK politicians to US foreign policy (and others) .

This decision was made by the independent Poodle Award Panel (PAP) in an attempt to bolster the UK’s gold reserves , which they can then repatriate to their rightful owner , in this case Venezuela .


The Golden Poodle contains exactly 1.2 gms of gold plate , sure to have an effect .

In this particular case the PAP were unsure who to actually award the Golden Poodle to . Anonymous sources have quoted anonymous sources , ‘British Officials’ and ‘Bank of England Staff’ have been mentioned , but that could be anyone .

The PAP have therefore ascertained that the Golden Poodle should be awarded to a Mr./Mrs. Sources .

As such the award was dropped off at the Bank of England in the capable hands of Sheila Smith , a cleaner who we accosted on the corner of Threadneedle Street . Sheila assured us that the award would eventually make it to the rightful recipient .

Cultocracy tried to contact numerous UK Government politicians to comment on the award , where we received several polite rebuffs , including the slamming down of the telephone (numerous) , ‘No comment’ (several) and ‘F**k off’ (thrice) .

We eventually tracked down a Bank of England official in a nearby wine bar , who could well be a relative of the recipient , a Mr.A. Source , who said he would make the acceptance speech , which follows below :

“Yes , it is true that we actually control US foreign policy , although don’t quote me on that . Any country that refuses to hand over their people , resources and capital to private individuals will be punished and rightly so .

Do you know how much it actually costs to maintain a global empire ? do you know how much it costs to buy the C.I.A ? Not to mention the luxury yachts and large estates for everyone else (Don’t quote me on that) .”

“The simple fact is that the peasants do not need luxury , in fact they do not need anything at all , not even food or water . If the resources of a country were handed to a legitimate government they would sell them and squander the cash on food and water for the people , which I have already stated they simply do not need (Don’t quote me on that) .”

“Anyway you are wasting my time , time is money don’t you know , now where is my £1 million payment for the speech ?”

At this point we made a sharp exit , making a dash for the number (1)33 bus , whilst shouting out “£1 million , don’t quote us on that” .


Related :

  1. Gavin Williamson UK Defence Secretary Wins Golden Poodle (again)
  2. Gavin Williamson Wins Golden Poodle Award
  3. Michael Fallon wins Golden Poodle Award
  4. Theresa May Wins Golden Poodle Award
  5. Boris Johnson Wins Golden Poodle Award

Essential reading :


  1. John Perkins “Frothing Conspiracy Theorist”
  2. Confessions of an Economic Hit Man (PDF)
  3. Confessions of an Economic Hit Man (PDF)

Gold :


  1. Venezuela Has the Fourth Largest Gold Mine in the World
  2. China to help Venezuela develop one of world’s largest gold mines

Green Gold :


  1. US Sanctions on Iran and Venezuela: Illegal and Destructive
  2. US Sanctions Against Venezuela Force Abby Martin’s “Empire Files” to Shut Down
  3. As Venezuela Prepares to Dump Dollar, Caracas Moves to Repatriate Gold from Bank of England
  4. Venezuela Ditches Dollar as US Sanctions Hit Private Sector
  5. Trump says Venezuela ‘could be toppled very quickly’ by military coup

Black Gold :


  1.  The World’s Largest Oil Reserves By Country
  2. OPEC: Venezuela has World’s Largest Oil Reserves

Blue Gold :


  1. Follow the Minerals: Why the US is Threatened by Venezuela’s ‘Blue Gold’
  2. Coltan in Venezuela
  3. Five things you need to know about coltan
  4. Venezuela emerges as new source of ‘conflict’ minerals
  5. COLTAN: Or, why Venezuela is an “extraordinary” threat to the USA!USA!USA!
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