Gavin Williamson Wins Golden Poodle Award

It has been a while , too long in fact , but the impasse has now been broken .

The Golden Poodle , awarded for fawning flattery and servile sycophantic slavishness , has been handed to UK defence secretary , Gavin Williamson .

The glorious golden gong was handed to Gavin for his part in sending a UK warship to the Paracel Islands earlier this month . The disputed Paracel Islands lie in the South China Sea and are claimed by China , Vietnam and Taiwan .

On receiving the award from a forces flunky , a joyous and jubilant Williamson made the following speech :

“I am the only person in the UK who can save our armed forces and the dwindling empire and by definition the UK itself . According to our esteemed intelligence services , to whom I have absolutely no connection whatsoever , we face existential threats from Iran , China , Russia , the EU , Mongolia , Jamaica (Gavin then proceeded to reel off a list of almost every country in the world before taking a large gasp of air) .

As such , somebody has to stand up to the bullies of the world , somebody has to send out a resounding message that we cannot be messed with , the only person who can do this is me . I am not scared of anyone , I even have a pet tarantula named Crony……..I mean Cronus .

The consequences of not doing so are the complete and utter destruction of the UK and also possibly the loss of $multi-million contracts with the US D.o.D. Which will ultimately mean the loss of perks and profits for establishment pay-roll personnel . At this tender time of BREXIT negotiations we would not want to do anything that could jeopardise future trade with any other country , particularly the larger global trading nations .

Not to mention the loss of my job as defence secretary , a position which has I have worked tirelessly to achieve . In fact I have amazed myself with my own stratospheric rise , which is in no way connected to my connections with our esteemed intelligence services , to whom I have absolutely no connection whatsoever .

Thank you all and also thank me , for saving the UK and indeed the world .”

You have our deepest gratitude Gavin , I think I can safely speak for the rest of the UK and indeed the world .

Another momentous occasion in the history of UK politics .

Gavin joins the ranks of many former defence secretaries who have been ordered around by their paymasters in the US and the military industrial complex .

When asked to comment on the award , US president Donald Trump stated :

“Gavin Williams , yeah , he is an amazing and exciting prospect , quite modest as well , a real role model .”

Took the words straight out of my mouth Donald .

Related :

  1. Michael Fallon wins Golden Poodle Award
  2. Theresa May Wins Golden Poodle Award
  3. Boris Johnson Wins Golden Poodle Award
  4. Gavin Williams recruiting: Notre Dame in the mix for major Iowa, Iowa State target
  5. Iowa star RB Gavin Williams uneasy with football praise

Also related :


HMS Albion – Photo: LA(Phot) Dan Hooper/MOD, OGL,

  1. Britain Joins the US in Unwise Confrontation in the South China Sea
  2. China warns UK ties at risk after warship mission
  3. UK to send Royal Navy warship through disputed South China Sea in challenge to Beijing

Also related :


  1. BAE Systems wins £20bn contract to build warships for Australia
  2. US to base stealth fighter jets in Australia in response to South China Sea tensions
  3. Memo Stephen Smith: there are US bases in Australia and they are expanding
  4. US military bases in Australia: The role of Pine Gap

Further reading :

  1. Whatever Is Behind China’s Spratly Island Showdown, It Isn’t Drilling For Oil
  2. South China Sea Oil and Natural Gas
  3. China finds signs of oil near disputed Paracel Islands
  4. Is Langley Unleashing Jihad Against China in Xinjiang?
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