It has been a while , too long in fact , but the impasse has now been broken .
The Golden Poodle , awarded for fawning flattery and servile sycophantic slavishness , has been handed to UK defence secretary , Gavin Williamson .
The glorious golden gong was handed to Gavin for his part in sending a UK warship to the Paracel Islands earlier this month . The disputed Paracel Islands lie in the South China Sea and are claimed by China , Vietnam and Taiwan .
On receiving the award from a forces flunky , a joyous and jubilant Williamson made the following speech :
“I am the only person in the UK who can save our armed forces and the dwindling empire and by definition the UK itself . According to our esteemed intelligence services , to whom I have absolutely no connection whatsoever , we face existential threats from Iran , China , Russia , the EU , Mongolia , Jamaica (Gavin then proceeded to reel off a list of almost every country in the world before taking a large gasp of air) .
As such , somebody has to stand up to the bullies of the world , somebody has to send out a resounding message that we cannot be messed with , the only person who can do this is me . I am not scared of anyone , I even have a pet tarantula named Crony……..I mean Cronus .
The consequences of not doing so are the complete and utter destruction of the UK and also possibly the loss of $multi-million contracts with the US D.o.D. Which will ultimately mean the loss of perks and profits for establishment pay-roll personnel . At this tender time of BREXIT negotiations we would not want to do anything that could jeopardise future trade with any other country , particularly the larger global trading nations .
Not to mention the loss of my job as defence secretary , a position which has I have worked tirelessly to achieve . In fact I have amazed myself with my own stratospheric rise , which is in no way connected to my connections with our esteemed intelligence services , to whom I have absolutely no connection whatsoever .
Thank you all and also thank me , for saving the UK and indeed the world .”
You have our deepest gratitude Gavin , I think I can safely speak for the rest of the UK and indeed the world .
Another momentous occasion in the history of UK politics .
Gavin joins the ranks of many former defence secretaries who have been ordered around by their paymasters in the US and the military industrial complex .
When asked to comment on the award , US president Donald Trump stated :
“Gavin Williams , yeah , he is an amazing and exciting prospect , quite modest as well , a real role model .”
Took the words straight out of my mouth Donald .
- Michael Fallon wins Golden Poodle Award
- Theresa May Wins Golden Poodle Award
- Boris Johnson Wins Golden Poodle Award
- Gavin Williams recruiting: Notre Dame in the mix for major Iowa, Iowa State target
- Iowa star RB Gavin Williams uneasy with football praise
Also related :
- Britain Joins the US in Unwise Confrontation in the South China Sea
- China warns UK ties at risk after warship mission
- UK to send Royal Navy warship through disputed South China Sea in challenge to Beijing
Also related :
- BAE Systems wins £20bn contract to build warships for Australia
- US to base stealth fighter jets in Australia in response to South China Sea tensions
- Memo Stephen Smith: there are US bases in Australia and they are expanding
- US military bases in Australia: The role of Pine Gap
Further reading :